crap. this is not good. not good at all. hai. been having dreams that i don't wish to have for the past few days. can't believe u can even haunt me in my dreams. i really wish to just get on with life and forget everything. well it was a short period. why can't i just be stronger and forget all of it? every single thing seems to remind me of you. my mind knows that i need to move on, yet a part of my heart is stopping me from doing so. it's giving me a hope that maybe, just maybe, you're not as bad as u seems now. maybe u have a reason to do all this. maybe u still love me and wants me back someday, when the reason u left me is solved. yet the other part of my heart tells me, give it up. he's no longer mine, but someone else's. whatever we have experience in the past, is now the sweet memories of another girl. freak this sucks so badly. how i wish i can have a wish right now. the wish u made to the shooting star, it came true. but for mine, it will never come true. never. i will be strong, for i know someone out there deserves me and i deserve him. this is a lesson to be learnt, and i learnt it through a damn hard way. OH and thanks for TRYING to help me in ps. XD appreciated :)
FOP was awesome! planetshakers worship experience was WOOHOOO!!!!~ gosh henry seely's voice is as great as ever. pastor daniel was on stage. LIKA COOOOOL!! really wish to go tanning this few days. i wanna have a nice tan that will make me look sporty though im not HAHA.. and i need new songs. NO KOREAN SONGS BTW HAHAHHAHA i want english songs, chinese song and maybe some jap songs. craving for kbox. who's up for it????? hmm YOG's break coming! and ur going attachment. jiayou! hopefully the loft is booked so that i can stay in school to study (L) HAHA. need to buck up on my MI and EM3A gosh gosh gosh gosh! im like randomly ranting on and on. k shall stop here. toodles~
don't do stupid things with her uhhhh better be safe than sorry :):)
11:25 AM
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Woohoo!! Everyone! I passed my stupid freaking MI retest!! (L) muahahahaha I did my best, and I did it. I passed it. =) I did what you wanted me to. Was thinking if we were still together I could tell u and hear u praise me. I’ve always love it when u praise me. today hear the song love by cm blue. The lalalala part makes me think of u. whenever u sing this part u will act cute, and u did look cute. Do this to her I confirm u that she will fall even deeper in love with you. Heh heh. =) after knowing the results of my retest, it just reminds me of so many promises that we made together. Haha. Im going to do my best this sem. Not for you, but for myself. I hope u will work hard also. Though u told Eileen that you are not giving up XDs, what u told kah ho, I expect they are the truth instead of what you told Eileen. Please, don’t. the only thing you need to do to let the accept you again is just to apologise. do you know how much u have hurt and disappoint them? even though i need your apology the most, i really hope u will tell the XDs that ur sorry. thats the only way they will confirm accept you back in. u told kah ho that you got reason for breaking up with me but u cant say. can u just stop keeping things to yourself and face the truth?
I am so in love with PI LI MIT these few days. CRAP WHY DID I GET MYSELF HOOK ON DRAMA AT THIS POINT OF TIME WHEN MY EXAMS ARE AROUND THE CORNER?! even as im typing this I AM WATCHING IT OMGOSHHHHH YAN YA LUN!!!! omgosh im like falling in love with so many guys this few days... and finally i found someone in school thats worthy enough to be my eye candy. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.. however, eye candy doesnt mean i like that person.. eye candy mainly just means eye candy. yan jing de tang guo.. HEHHEH. k i shall stop off to watch PI LI MIT!!
10:03 AM
Monday, July 26, 2010
heh these few days have been very addicted to this song from DONG CHENG WEI, which is a former group of Jiro Wang [it's named after his name wang dong cheng]. super nice la sia!!! people better listen!! and the vid's a bit soft please turn ur volume up UP UP!! :D
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HUMAN FACTOR ASSIGNMENT 20% I JUST STARTED DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHALL ROT IN ATTIC TODAY FOR DONO HOW LONG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN U DO THINGS LAST MINUTE *SHAKES HEAD* :(
11:28 PM
Saturday, July 24, 2010
i don't know what the hell's wrong with me. i hate the feeling of waking up in the morning and have a depressed feel in my heart. i hate the feeling of waking up in the morning and first thing i think of is you. i hate the feeling of waking up in the morning and remembering the reason why i felt like that. i hate the feeling of waking up in the morning and knowing that you're no longer anywhere near my life. i wished i could help u and stay with u. crap. im still so bothered by what kh told me. thanks for reading my blog. (L) thanks for still bothering to know how am i going through life. (L) i wish i could get information about u all the time but it's so hard. i wish i could start sms-ing u once again, talk to u in msn once again, talking on phone once again, but this time round, i will be the third person in between. and i know you don't really wanna talk to me right? so i will be waiting. waiting for the day when u are finally comfortable around me again and start talking to me. please tell me when u changed your phone number or something like that. please please please don't ever stop bothering about me. :( shit i feel like a person with multiple personalities. i miss you.
5:58 PM
i figure out this is the only way i can communicate with you. i heard a lot from kah ho. even though i know you want me to move on, give up on u, do u know it's damn hard? at first i thought that once i see how u act around wt will just make me give up immediately, i realise that im wrong. it just makes me know how much i love you. i know my post has made u feel even more bad, but lol i don't remember deleting any post. XD. somehow some part of me still want to hold on to the hope that u still love me and still wants me back someday in the future. guess it won't happen uh. somehow i feel that it's my fault that ur r/s with the XDs are ruined. i'm really sorry. i know how much they meant to u. but now i know, they're XDs that cant accept someone's mistake. u will find even better friends out there. be careful during your attachment. somehow i got mixed feelings about u not going india. XD oh well. to say the truth, even though i seem fine about not being friends with u, i seriously still want to be. i really want to be someone who can be there when u need someone to talk to, to hang out. of course ur girlfriend will take priority but i still wanna be friends with u. this result is partly the reason why i rejected u so much in the past. haha. i really miss talking to u. i hate the awkward feeling when im around you. and i guess im born a stalker. even if it meant hurting myself. being friends, i can still hear u call me silly girl. heh. thats quite tempting XD. thanks for loving me so much in the past, and liking me even a bit now. :D
ps. please update ur blog :( will be keeping my eye out for it HEH
10:51 AM
Friday, July 16, 2010
:( it's quite boring to always post about sad stuff uh. XD hi huiyun!! thankiesszxxzxz for always reading my blog! ur my (L) HAHAHAHAHA hai i think i really need to fast forward time. it sucks to know that he has already moved on but u are still at the same spot struggling to get out. the things that he gave u jus reminds u of him. u wants to throw it away but at the same time u cant bear to cox it proves that he actually love you before. only that now, he has moved on and another person has replace ur place of the one he love. it sucks. but what can i do? life goes on.
these few days have been tough on me. no idea why my mensus haven been coming. am i pregnant? HAHAHAHAHA while my mensus is taking their time to come out, my mood swing is using all of their strength to make me acknowledge their presence. how sucky is this. exams coming, been ponning classes alot last week. loft stay coming (L).. loft is a nice place with a lot of memories. memories that cannot be replace. since amazing race, im fortunate to know these ece peeps. they always make me smile through their random rantings. haha. its a good thing i didnt choose to change my course. been updating my blog for i dono what reason. guess when someone's in the emo period they just think about blogging uh? :)
ur blog, the few entries that were about me, just proves that u really love me in the past. but now, so many lies have been uncovered, it just makes me doubt if u really did love me. it makes me rethink if things that i thought were the truth, were they lies as well? i love you, but you have moved on and love someone else. maybe it's true. we were never meant to be together or be friends as well. i will be ur stranger. till we're both ready to face each other once again. somehow i got the feeling, it's gonna be years.
9:13 PM
Thursday, July 15, 2010
i've known so many lies that u gave me on the very last few days with me and even during that time when we're drunk. u went to the cinema with her on saturday after AGM right? u did things with her that what me and u would have done. u told me u didnt kiss her. i guess that's a lie as well right. so indirectly i had kissed her. gosh u made me feel so freaking dirty. im like just a pawn for you to use when no one likes u. and as soon someone else likes u i can just be thrown aside. fuck. and u really did quite alot of things for her that u will never do for me right? it shows that u really love her so much more than u love me. and whats with the distancing yourself from XDs? i cant believe u actually gave up friendship for relationship. spending time everyday with her is now so much more important than the XDs. no wonder u could afford doing this to me. if the reason of u distancing yourself from the XDs is because of me, tell me. if u dont wanna talk to me, tell me in some other way. i will distance myself from the XDs. im so fucking disappointed yet i cant do anything about it.
7:19 PM
Attic is like my second home in NGEE ANN now.. LOL in the past was library. but oh well too many memories. was supposed to have a photobooth session with shalini and sumin today but haha when they came we were playing 21 guns. it's actually a game when u get bombarded with 21 questions by others and u HAVE to say the truth. it's quite of a integrity game. were really enjoying it and got to know some interesting facts. XD after that went for drum lesson. gonna be the second last class. need to replan my time-table. after that met jianbao and nansheng and we went jp to eat LJS (L). talk under my house until 11.45++ haha has been like this for the past 2-3 days. XD
hmmm. i actually i had alot to say this afternoon during my emo period. but oh well it's gone. and i hope this phase will faster zhao as soon as my mensus come LOL. guess u don't want me to be your friend anymore uh? u can't face me. well that's quite expected. just didn't know you lied to me once again when u said we could be friends. all the reasons that i rejected u are all coming true now. i don't think they will even come true if u didn't do all this shit. today got to know what u did with her on the very first date with her on that saturday after AGM. u lied about what u did with her, once again. guess it's never really enough that u have me to love you uh. u just jump straight into it when another girl likes you. seriously speaking, i'm like hell disappointed. i thought, or always thought i meant more to you that this. guess i over-estimated my worth way too much uh. please don't hurt her. serious i will rather she hurt u, cox u deserve it more than she deserve to be. but after everything, i still wanna say, i blamED you. but it's over. no more chances to give u. keep thinking that maybe somethings u said were actually seriously true, without a bit of lie. but all in all, i forgive you, and still want u as a friend. it's just up to you whether you want to forgive yourself and make the effort to face me once again. once again, it's your choice.
9:33 AM
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
alex. whats going on with your life. are u happy? whats with ur status. theres so much things i want to talk to u about. do u still want me as a friend? why are u getting so pissed off about? please be ok. im worried. :(
10:53 AM
Saturday, July 10, 2010
thanks for reading my blog. lol. hmm i think today will be the last day i cry for u. u seriously hurt me damn bad. and i just wish that wan teng wouldn't hurt u like how u hurt me. i may seem mean, but i feel that if she can so easily confess to a guy she just started to get close to and who by the way is also attached, i don't see why she cant do that to u after both of u get together. just be careful k. it may seem that im bias but i feel very very bad vibes coming from her. and u, if she's not the person i think of her to be, make sure u be a damn good boyfriend to her. don't ever be close to another girl ever again. when girls feel something wrong between their bf and another girl, it's always quite true. thanks for always giving in to me. hope she's not that difficult a girlfriend like how i am. don't ever hurt another person just like how u hurt xing xia and me. actually one is already enough, two is too much already, so please just stop ok. if u don't think that u can be with her for a long period of time please don't get into a r/s and harm her as well as urself. thanks again for being the bad person. i will still want to be ur friend ok, though i said all that. just give me time heh. u can always choose to come to me when u have problems. i definitely will be here. that of course, is your choice. :) Good-Bye Alex.
6:11 AM
Thursday, July 08, 2010
i don't truly think this way. but thats what u are giving me. whenever i see u i just thought of her. ur whole body just reminds me of her. im sorry if u dont think this way but. i just don know.
11:15 PM
shit. i still freaking miss you so much. while u are happily with her, forgetting every bit of me and pushing all those memories we had at the basement of your brain, my brain is pulling every bit of it right up to the front part of my brain. i miss you, but u? forgotten about me. whenever i see you i feel like hugging you, talk to u like we were still together. but ur heart already belongs to someone else. that sucks. same period of time in continuously two years, the same thing happen. screw it all. i had enough.
8:15 PM
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
haha what can i say. expected it. but the thing that hurt me most is ur cold replies towards most of my questions. is it so difficult to admit that u like her. rather than saying that i already know those answers so why ask. hurts damn lot when i actually thought all of it was fake and u have to crash it all and say u didnt say that u didnt say it wasnt the truth. thats the same as admitting that u like her in an indirect way uh. well she IS prettier and cuter than me. wish u good luck with her. though u say u wouldnt want to be with her now, u and i both know that's not entirely the truth. when u whisper to me the last time 'i love you silly girl' u have no idea how happy i am. thanks i needed that. though i know i will regret this decision in the future, this is the best for both of us uh? thanks for being the bad person for me, and giving in to me even to the very last minute. please don't ever be awkward around me, cause i know i won't :) i love you
from your used-to-be penguin and silly girl.
7:22 PM
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
and u didnt come. that feeling sucks.
12:57 AM
Monday, July 05, 2010
today is a very sian day. HAHA maybe cause i woke up late and refuse to continue sleeping and pon the first lesson in the fear of getting debarred. XD the whole morning was slacking, using computer and playing maple. people tend to be tired when they are bored and thus, like all other people i fell asleep. hehheh.went and meet xdjm for lunch eat eat eat den now pon lesson again. have to stop doing it. and seriously serious. can my stupid appetite just come back? i'm missing all the delicacy greatly okkkkkk.
i always wonder if u will ever stalk me like i do to u. guess it has already been a habit, that whenever i'm feeling down, be it due to u or not, i would look at ur profile, ur photos, videos, messages, msn conver and occasionally try my luck to see if u will update ur blog. after doing all these, i would cheer up for at least awhile. i guess i should stop doing all these uh in case of one day u found out about it and got freaked out by me. these few days have been thinking. i really don wanna give up jus like that. i have so many things i wanna do with u. the promise i made to u that i will wait for u until after NS. the promise that we will go zoo together someday as well as universal studio. ur mother giving me permission to go ur house after u graduate. so many things that i wanna do. please just give me that one more chance and i promise i will change the way i do things. and this time, i will mean it. last thing to say before going off, i miss u.
11:23 PM
Sunday, July 04, 2010
think im back to blogging once more with the inspiration of one friend-a pretty lame friend. these few months that i have not been updating should be enough to scare away all my potential reader which means that this blog will be so much more private now. studies, failed some module. hafta do better if i want to pull my GPA up up up. r/s stuff.. i suck at it.. i cant do all those stuffs that did in the past with him. everything he say or do just affects me so damn much. that tingling feeling around my chest just suck la hor. but just screw it. one month. it's just like that time counting down to the fourteenth. somehow i got that feeling it wouldn't work out after all. i think it's all because of me uh. i didn't care more to ur feelings. u have been doing so many things for me yet i just didn't realise them. well i have to admit i get jealous pretty often. but these few incidents, i just cannot take it in. oh well, wish us both the best of luck uh.
not much of an appetite these days. my stomach knows im hungry but my brain says nah im not. not long later, my stomach will start to hurt and contract and shout I WANNA EAT but my brain continues on and say screw it. im killing myself soon with these divided rule in my body LOL. this half sem i got quite ok results. failed MI and pass all with 70+ marks. not bad. keep it up!
off to class now. toodles~
5:03 PM
Welcome!
It's Me
Sandra Lee Yuan Ting
09/12/1992 [presents!!]
Currently tutoring as a part-time job
hoping to be able to upgrade myself
Just a typical girl next door who likes to do whatever she likes. :D
For ur information, I'm a christian and im proud to be one. So if u're going to give me some crap about christianity or God, save it, or i may convert u into a christian and trust me, I CAN DO IT COX GOD IS WITH ME!! ^^ have a nice day~
i miss you.
